Feeling frustrated by the constant interference of your in-laws? Thinking of giving up? Just before you take that painful decision take a deep breath and view things from a different perspective.

You’ve probably done it before and you might be thinking that it can never work out but just a little more patience from you.

An African Proverb goes as this:

What is hanging up cannot be reached sitting down

Make that extra effort. The joy of your marriage and the smooth relationship with your in-laws needs more from you. Not so much to what you receive from them!

Even if they appear not to appreciate you which might not be necessarily so, keep holding on! One of the languages in life that will never have a universal interpreter is the “language of in-laws.” It is a language that each and every one has to learn and not ‘fed’ is relating with their in-laws.

How about seeing that interference as a way of communication? Why don’t you try surprising them that despite all that has happened you love them?  No matter how hard they may be a smiling face from a gentle and enduring heart can break a stony heart.

So don’t pack it up. It won’t make you feel better because you will miss your spouse as well.

Remember this African Proverb:

‘If you are patient in a moment of anger, you will spare yourself one hundred days of tears’.

God bless you

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Some in-laws today have indirectly contributed to a marriage break up.  This is more so if the couple have given them room to do so. Unfortunately even after the breakup of their child’s marriage they still find it difficult to realise they have done anything wrong. Take a look again Mama and Baba that your son/daughter is hurting silently!

However if a couple is closely united as one, no in-law would be able to intervene in their marriage.

A man cannot claim his parents forced him to leave his wife and marry another woman if he was not equally interested. If your parents had wrongly suggested it to you it is your job to let them know that you love and would want to stay married to your wife. If you give them the sign that you are not happy in your marriage then you are doing nothing but encouraging disputes between your wife and your family. You should also realise that your wife’s happiness is your and if your wife is not happy it will affect your own happiness as well. The same applies to a woman that runs to her family for ungodly advice against her marriage.

So, as a parent if your good intention is going awry then it is time to step back, pray, reassess the situation and yourself.

As  a man or woman, and you are concerned about your parents or in-laws involvement  in your home, then stop and check if you have given them the room to do so. An African proverb interprets as “If a wall is not cracked a gecko cannot go through it.”

Is there a crack in your marriage? Seal it before you face the consequences.

God bless you.

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Once you have got over the initial physical meeting of your in-laws, getting to know and relate with each other now begins. This is an ongoing process that could go on forever and even after getting married to your spouse you will still be meeting and knowing more of your in-laws. There is no proper sequence to it. In as much as there probably had been so much preparation towards meeting your in-laws initially, the subsequent visits will mostly come unprepared. So what can you do to prepare for the unprepared? Nothing, but be yourself. Let the light of God shine in you all the time and you will never be caught unaware. Honesty is an important virtue you must have.

An African Proverb says- “The beak of the bird is what tells us the things it eats.”  

The biggest trap you can set for yourself that will hunt you later in your marriage is not being honest with your in-laws .This is especially in areas that you feel you have failed or not strived enough in life that has left you weighed down with guilt. It doesn’t matter if you have told your spouse about it before. If your in-laws should ask you about anything do not hold back anything. You can be succinct with some answers but nothing but the truth. THEY WILL ACCEPT YOU MORE AND EASIER IF YOU ARE HONEST.

 Moreover, if you say the truth they will trust you as a person with integrity. Any information you hold back about yourself that later comes to their knowledge through an undelegated third party comes with extra pepper and spices that will burn and hurt all involved including you and your spouse. Do not be ashamed to discuss your past. We all have a past, and your in-laws will have a past as well. Who knows maybe it is even that past of yours that you have been able to successfully overcome that would now make a way for you? Don’t  feel ashamed to tell the truth.

 Lay your foundation right. Be open and honest with your in-laws.

 Oh, also remember that the  secret weapon to meeting your in-laws is to meet and accept yourself first, then you can now be fully equipped to meet   your in-laws.

God bless you.

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—Alice an 80 year old woman lied dying in her home. She had seven out of her eight children by her bedside. They held unto her tightly. She was a devoted Catholic. In the house as well was one of her friends -Brenda, who had been more close to Alice since it became eminent that she was passing on slowly.

Just before Alice lost consciousness, she requested through her eldest son for the Priest to pray with her. Soon afterwards her health deteriorated. Her children positioned themselves around her bed knowing they were about to face the inevitable. Some her had hands, some rubbed her forehead, while some found comfort in putting their hands on her shoulders. Through this last moment her eldest son who happened to be the eldest child was coordinating his brothers and sisters. He occasionally bent down and whispered into his Mothers ears “Good night Mum”

 This was also synchronised by emotional words by her other children as ‘mum have a good rest ‘‘we will be fine mum’’ we promise to be good mum’’ mum we’ll never forget you’. The atmosphere was very moving with uncontrollable tears everywhere. Brenda moved well back from Alice bed side to give her children some privacy with their mother in these last moments.

Soon afterwards it all went dead quiet. It seemed ages but was just for about five minutes. Her eldest son was the first to come out of the room. The look on his face confirmed what her friend Brenda thought.” Alice was gone”

Brenda held unto Alice’s son and offered him comforting words. Wiping his tears he said to Brenda ‘My Mum was a great Mother.’

Yes she is Brenda replied. You were all dear to her heart.

Brenda further stretched the conversation with Alice’s son by mentioning that their mother was not just a great mum but also a fantastic mother by training all her eight children to become graduates and professionals as well.

Another tear dropped from Alice’s sons’ eyes as he was struggling to utter his next statement.

Auntie Brenda he said ‘the greatest thing about mum is that she had eight of us but only gave birth naturally to three of us. Five out of us eight were adopted as babies and never knew our biological mothers. I am her eldest son but also the first child she adopted before she had her own children. She had never treated us differently and she brought us all up together as one family’

Brenda stood in shock, appreciating the friendship she had with this great woman more.

This was a secret Alice never shared with her close friend Brenda even in her dying moment. Alice died with the love and comfort of her eight children.

So woman, your mother in-law is your Mother in-law. She does not have to be his natural mum. It should not affect the way you relate to her. She has being his mother and made him what he is today. Yes, she probably had made some mistakes as well but this was not because she was not his biological mother. Natural mothers make mistakes equally. Give her her due honour and put an extra smile on your hubby’s face.

God bless you.

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For all married couples, this is not just a time to wish your Mum happy Mother’s day but also your spouse’s Mother. Yes! She deserves it and who knows if this Mother’s day will bring a turnaround for good in your relationship with her if it has not been previously so. Don’t choose to rather maintain a distance from your Mother in- law and wish, hope or pray for time to heal your differences.

 Of course! Time will heal, but the “Scar may be very nasty.”

No matter how acrimonious your relationship has grown, take advantage of this coming Mother’s day. Get ready to put the past behind you and look forward to a brighter, smoother relationship with your Mother in-law. Even if you think she will refuse to accept you, at least you would have played your part by showing you love her. It would now be her turn to bring out that special interminable attribute in her-forgiveness

“Her children rise up and call her blessed.

Her husband also, and he praises her.”

Prov.31:28

Happy Mother’s day.

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 Most men still go through horrible times with their in-laws. This could be from any member of their wife’s family including her brothers and sisters. Just because they do not confront it does not mean they are not hurting from the effect: especially, if it is creating a revolting effect on the home and being brought to the knowledge of the children. As a woman, just as you would expect your husband to defend you with his relatives do likewise to him. If your relatives are aware that you are not happy with the way they are treating your husband no matter their reason they will change their way and start showing him love. Only you can make the difference.  Don’t wait for things to go very bad and has now become detrimental on your marriage. By then, it is more difficult to revert. When some men have made up their mind it takes a lot to bring things back to normal. Be observant and make your relatives treat your husband right.

An African Proverb states

“If you come near the river, you will hear the crab cough.” 

Your husband’s happiness is yours. Make him happy and reveal how much he’s got in stock for you as well. Pray for wisdom to make him happy in every area.

God bless you

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Appropriate interpretation of their way of communication is important. Failure to do this leads to the wrong idea received which now acts as a foundation for further avoidable problems not only with your in-laws but in your marriage.

Most often we hear about crisis between daughter in-laws and mother in-laws. A chat with both of them will clearly show they both had good intentions towards each other. So where did it go wrong? A deep search will show it was all in the wrong perception of moves or even words. It’s time we sit back and study our in-laws before we take any regrettable action

“No one knows caution as regrets.” – African Proverb

God bless you

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Dont forget the reason for the celebration - it is for remebering the birth of Christ. So make Jesus the centre of your celebration. There is no point having a great time with your daughter and son inlaw during christmas and reverting back to any unsolved issues that has left you with any form of grudges against them . Remember to use this christmas time to forgive even as christ has commanded us to forgive those who trespass against us. That does not leave out your in-laws.

Mother and father in-law have a nice time with your in-laws and pray for more joyous ones to come. Christmas is not just for eating and drinking but for loving and cherishing everyone around us. Dont forget tomaintain that loving time with your daughter and son in-law even after christmas. Show them you care not only during christmas but every single day

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL

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Achieving a perfect relationship with your in-laws starts before you meet Mr. Right. Get your foundation right! This involves a self determination within you that you WILL love your in-laws. This helps you not picking up any negative impression easily on meeting them when you eventually start a relationship. It helps if you start attending seminars or other events organised for singles while waiting. They do not prepare you only for your future husband but eases the way to having a perfect relationship with your in-laws. Oh, don’t forget this as well-PRAY.

God bless you.

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Christmas! The time to celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ.  A time that comes with feasting, lots of cards and presents. It is also, a time for family reunion, but not without the excitement or anxiety of having our in-laws around.

If it is a time of excitement, jolly good. On the contrary if Christmas time brings you to the point that you feel you would be better off with your spouse and children alone; how about discussing it with your spouse first? Then you can now discuss it with other family members what you would like this Christmas. They will respect your wishes:

1. If you discuss it in love

2. If you come up with other nice alternatives for them i.e. their dream gift or even a promise of spending time with them after the Christmas period.  

3. If you have been close to them all year through so they don’t only see you at Christmas

“Your in-laws might not know what you want if don’t ask.”

Don’t let Christmas be a time for disputes, the memory and hurts goes on afterwards. With wisdom and understanding we can all enjoy Christmas together.

Through wisdom a house is built,

And by understanding it is established

By knowledge the rooms are filled.

With all precious and pleasant riches

Proverbs 24:3-4

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